metamorphasis

i was laying in a hotel room with jesse and an infomercial for "metamorphasis" by tracy anderson.
now.. due to my OBSESSION with at home workout videos... its stuck in my head.
so i did some research... http://tracyandersonmethod.com/
this is the offical site where one could buy all of the workout stuff... dvds diet books 30 day plans... weights, exercise balls matts... the whole 9 yards.
well i did some more research.. and it turns out a woman that bought this stuff has a blog that shows her transformation (or metamorphasis if you will hehe)
it looks fantastic. she looks fantastic.
http://masteringthemethod.blogspot.com/
im alittle interested.
but its also true... that i have a problem.. with sticking to things.
take this blog for instance... i was doing good writing regularly.. then all of a sudden-poof... nothing.
and thats how it has been with my workouts as well except when i was in scheduled dance classes with other people.
so.. im trying to decide if it would be a waste of money...
or if i would infact keep to a schedule that included regular workouts.
sometimes i have these weeks where all i want to do is a workout.. and the next week i wont get up to workout even if julian michaels herself was trying to pull me out of bed.

this woman's blog is quite inspirational though.. and its solid proof that it can and will work.

on another note..
jesse has mentioned that he wants to continue talking to me when i leave for norfolk which will be quite soon.
he has also mentioned coming to norfolk as well. and.. starting a relationship with me.
now... i WANT it. i know it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
but... are we ready to jump in with both feet and trust eachother?
is it possible?
its his birthday this weekend. he is turning 20.
i got us a hotel by the beach and will be buying him a nice dinner at a nice restaurant.
also-we will be watching harry potter. he set up a double date with his friend moeller and moeller's girlfriend who is visiting.
i thought that was very sweet of him.

another sweet thing he did..

yesterday i has feeling quite down.

we ate at subway alittle after our 1700 duty muster

i had 3 inches of my sandwich and felt terribly quilty.

he saw that and took the opportunity to sit me down on the couch of my dreams in the nex.

he then took me around the nex and asked what i thought would look good in a livingroom with that... and in the kitchen.

it was nice to play house shop and SO sweet of him.

last night i had watch from 2030 till 2330... i was so tired.

i had watch with my bootcamp friend tapper though. so we talked alittle.

she is about to graduate IT A school.

i am very proud of her.

also.. last night at watch i saw a string of youtube videos/a youtube channel that i thought was really funny.

http://www.youtube.com/user/glowpinkstah

its funny for a few different reasons.. firstly... its terrible. im a terrible person... but shes huge.. its thinspirational.. and i always thought fat people looked funny. so.. i am sorry i said this.. but it is true.

however comma.... before i seem like a soul less skinny bitch... she is EXTREAMLY witty. i thought it was HILARIOUS what she was saying.

alot has happened. it seems like alot always happens between each of my posts.. wow, ok so let me back up and try and fill in all the blanks ive been leaving.

i passed the 702. im A+ certified.

jesse and i have not only been talking but been nearly inseperable.
i thought leaving would make things get better.
and..for the most part they did.
but i couldnt get my mind off my past
off him.
and now that we're around eachother again
its like i never left...
its like he never hurt me
and everything that has happened
only shows up in my nightmares.

i failed out of CCNA
im going to the fleet undesignated.
and its my own fault.
i have orders to a ship in Norfolk Virginia.
an aircraft carrier- CVN 71 the USS Theodore Roosevelt.
(http://www.roosevelt.navy.mil/)
which btw is in overhaul until february of 2013.

ive been in holding waiting to leave.. my holding job has been cleaning the liberty center or MWR. ive been doing a fantastic job and actually my team and i have all gotten letters of appreciation from the liberty program manager.

jesse is considering his options. he doesnt like the idea of virginia and he also doesnt like the idea of us being commited to eachother from across the country... which totally makes sense considering that past i was talking about.
but we let ourselves feel for eachother again.
however we are both afraid of calling it feelings.

idk
i know we could be good for eachother eventually. do i think its right now? not particularly...
we had that conversation yesterday... the conversation about that i will be on the other side of the continental US ... and that he thinks itll be best if we see other people.. but he doesnt want anything to change before i leave.. he wants me to continue hanging out with him as if im not going to be alone in the very near future.

and then... theres my weight.
its not budging. itll take a serious fast for my weight to go down...
ive tried a few products to help with cellulite and whatnot.
bought a body wrap kit and lotions from this site http://www.goo4swap.com/5-15.htm .
im using the 3rd wrap around my stomach after work today.
and i havnt seen any difference

after i do these wraps though i do feel a burst of energy... last friday i went to the gym for 2 hours after i did my wrap routine. so i can tell something is happening with my body and its getting something from these products.

i started a notebook diary with qoutes and stuff to keep me occupied and motivated... i try to write in it often. especially when i feel like a binge is going to occur.

so yeah.. thats been my life as of recently.