my eating disorder... yes i have one.
im fighting. daily. i dont want to feel guilty from having 700 calories.
i did ballet you see... and when there are girls so much smaller than you that can be lifted up and are beautiful and get the part of cinderella... well it gets competetive.. i have been 73 lbs at this height. ive also been 140 at this height..
but, im in the navy now. and hopefully ill have to fight myself alot less often. IM going to get over this and be happy with my weight. and eat regularly. and not take those fucking laxatives anymore.
yesterday i almost broke. i wanted laxatives so freakin much...
anyways. about my last few days... i finally got my phone and stuff in the mail from my mom^_^ and i sent my ex a letter he got ahold of me during his final changes to his security clearance saying he wanted to be friends and i know what its like to be in bootcamp.. so i know he needs letters right now. maybe im too weak? maybe im stronger than you think? and maybe im dumber than i want to admit. but i wrote him. i made it clear we wont be getting back together becasue neither of us would be happy for long, we cant trust eachother.. and without the trust we used to have there is no real love.. just a hope to occasionally feel the way we used to. but we are close. and i dont want him to go through boot camp alone. so i wrote some motivating stuff.
idk.. thats all for now.
maybe ill write more later
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