staring over.

ok so.. im 18. im in the navy. im now single. and i have a new haircut to boot.
everything is ok right?
yes of course. because he is a dick that fucked up this time. not me.
and guys are giving me attention left and right. so i should be ok.
mhmm.
ill keep telling myself that.


hello. my name is ashley, but you can call me SR Taylor.
im a new recruit in flordia and i just graduated boot camp. i see a bright future ahead in which i will see the world and make many friends and experience so many things. and get paid for it. honestly i AM excited. i want to see where this road will take me in the next few years.

now, my blog says i have my old problems.. "care to elaborate?" you might be thinking.. gladly.
i have an eating disorder i am trying to gain control of. no ive never been to the doctors for it.. but its there none the less.
and my ex... is in boot camp now. and will be coming to this base in 2 short months.
this ex beat me, abused me, forced himself on me, broke my things, and worte me a dear john letter during my second week of basic training.
we were together 4 years. and in 2 LOUSY WEEKS!!! he tosses me aside and starts dating my friend..
"but why did he start doing these things?" you might ask
well.. i started doing stupid things alittle over a year ago. and im embarrassed to admit that i slept with a few other guys. and honestly i deserved to have him leave me. yes. i cheated. and no. it will not happen again.

ive more than learned my lesson. just saying people can change. i bear testimony to that statement. i dont know how i was that person. how i hurt a man i truely loved so very much, so many times. and yet.. that WAS me. i can see it in my head. me feeling my phne ring.. and me turning it off and having sex with someone other than the man i wanted to spend my life with.
it is shameful.

i hate myself daily for it

however- i was not the only person to mess up. and he shares blame.
idk.


so.. thats my introduction for now.

hello.